HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Mask, The
Letter to Jane
Quick Millions
Dream Demon
Max Havelaar
Radioactive
Glastonbury Fayre
All Dogs Go to Heaven
Shoot Out
Da 5 Bloods
Sonatine
Kung Fu Monster
Secret Agent Super Dragon
Saint Frances
Boiling Point
Golden Stallion, The
Dragon Force
Anthropocene: The Human Epoch
Luck of Ginger Coffey, The
Junkers Come Here
Ladius
White, White Day, A
Strong Medicine
Bitter Springs
Centipede Horror
Physical Evidence
Fanny Lye Deliver'd
55 Days at Peking
Alive
Man from Snowy River, The
Inmate #1: The Rise of Danny Trejo
Girl with the Bracelet, The
Monster from a Prehistoric Planet
School Spirits
True History of the Kelly Gang
We All Loved Each Other So Much
Within Our Gates
Watcher in the Woods, The
Pink Thief
Born Free
   
 
Newest Articles
Bat-Damn: Was Joel Schumacher's Batman Really That Bad?
The Beat Goes On: Takeshi Kitano Collection on Blu-ray
Dream Treats: Scorsese Shorts on Blu-ray
It's Only Money: Laughter in Paradise on Blu-ray
A Regular Terpsichore: Dance, Girl, Dance on Blu-ray
Teenage Trauma: Baby Love on Blu-ray
The Happening: Pet Shop Boys It Couldn't Happen Here on Blu-ray
Who Watched The Watchmen?
The Golden Age of Colonic Irrigation: Monty Python Series 4 on Blu-ray
Lady of Pleasure: Lola Montes on Blu-ray
Take You to the Gay Bar: Funeral Parade of Roses on Blu-ray
Hit for Ms: Mark Cousins' Women Make Film on Blu-ray
Look Sinister: The 1000 Eyes of Dr. Mabuse on Blu-ray
Star Wars Triple Threat: The Tricky Third Prequel and Sequel
I Can See for Miles: The Man with the X-Ray Eyes on Blu-ray
Too Much Pressure: The Family Way on Blu-ray
The Alan Key: Alan Klein and What a Crazy World on Blu-ray
A Japanese Ghost Story: Kwaidan on Blu-ray
The Zu Gang: Zu Warriors from the Magic Mountain on Blu-ray
Reality TV: The Year of the Sex Olympics on DVD
The Young and the Damned: They Live By Night on Blu-ray
Mind How You Go: The Best of COI on Blu-ray
Der Kommissar's in Town: Babylon Berlin Series 3 on DVD
The End of Civilisation as We Know It: The 50th Anniversary
The Whalebone Box: The Andrew Kotting Interview
   
 
  7 Golden Women Against Two 07 Slapdash spy caper
Year: 1966
Director: Vincent Cascino
Stars: Mickey Hargitay, Maria Vincent, Luciana Paoli, Vincenzo Cascino, Patricia Mendez, Paola Mariani, Maruska Rossetti, Rossella Bergamonti, Corinne Fontaine, John Loodmere, Geoffrey Copleston, Eric Damain, John Benedy, Nestore Cavaricci, Guido Marinelli
Genre: Comedy, Action, Thriller, Trash, WeirdoBuy from Amazon
Rating:  2 (from 1 vote)
Review: Muscular American man of mystery Mark Davis (Mickey Hargitay) saves Armenean art dealer Barbikian (Vincenzo Cascino, also this film's writer, producer, editor and director) from a group of thugs working for French femme fatale Marie Dupont (Maria Vincent), who also attracts his attention. Somehow Mark discerns both parties are after a stolen painting by the famous Spanish artist Goya on the back of which is supposedly scrawled a treasure map leading to the lost gold of Adolf Hitler! Forming an uneasy alliance, Mark, Marie and Barbikian along with his English girlfriend Miranda (Luciana Paoli, hilariously dubbed with a thick Brummie accent!) set out to find the Fuhrer's fortune, unaware that six women from around the world who previously owned the painting now share the same goal.

If the above synopsis made this film sound at all exciting, one must sincerely apologise because 7 Golden Women Against Two 07 is to the Euro-spy genre what Plan 9 From Outer Space (1958) is to the science fiction film. In other words, it is a work of staggering ineptitude on just about every level, only lacking the cheesy charm of Edward D. Wood Jr. One of only two film outings (thank god!) from quintuple threat Vincenzo Cascino, the plot is near incomprehensible. Events border on the surreal as the Italian auteur exhibits no grasp of continuity, character development or even the basic mechanics of storytelling, seemingly rewriting the plot as it goes along. Opening at breakneck speed the film provides scant information as to just who its protagonists are or what their connection is to the Goya painting which seems to have crossed continents between several, exclusively female, hands.

None of the titular seven, frankly not all that glamorous women add anything to the story. With the exception of three sequences where the girls strip off for either an epic catfight or to distract some villains, they do little besides simper and shriek. Weirdly, none of the women so much as notice square-jawed ostensible hero Mark Davis and flirt instead with Barbikian's seriously ugly henchmen ("Oh, you Italian men are so amazing, so gallant, so sentimental!"). Which is not something that would happen to Matt Helm or Derek Flint. Hungarian-born weightlifter Mickey Hargitay, husband of Jayne Mansfield and father of Law & Order star Mariska Hargitay, had one seriously strange movie career, but fans would be better off checking out his unhinged turn in garish gothic Bloody Pit of Horror (1966) or as Count Dracula in the amazing The Reincarnation of Isabel (1973). Hargitay's two-fisted mercenary hero vaguely recalls Mickey Spillane's thuggish Mike Hammer as depicted in Robert Aldrich's seminal noir Kiss Me Deadly (1955), especially the manner in which he appears to great enjoyment from belting the shit out of people, at one point convulsing with laughter as he kicks Barbikian's ass. However, Cascino's inept editing renders the fight sequences downright laughable.

Amidst endless scenes with characters bickering at the top of their lungs and chase sequences set to Keystone Cops style music, Hargitay comes off like Laurence Olivier compared to his amateurish co-stars. As shrill bimbo Marie Dupont, Maria Vincent strains so hard at seeming coquettish and sultry she seems more like a drag queen parody of a femme fatale. Meanwhile, Cascino was seemingly on a mission to upstage his cast with a bug-eyed performance that grates on the nerves. This would-be comic spy caper is a real endurance test that does not reach a conclusion so much as come to an abrupt stop. It is incompetent on every level with only the very faintest appeal as kitsch. Incidentally, the theme song features lyrics penned by Mickey Hargitay. Needless to say, it's rubbish.

Click here for the trailer

Reviewer: Andrew Pragasam

 

This review has been viewed 3340 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star is the best at shouting?
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Brian Blessed
Tiffany Haddish
Steve Carell
Olivia Colman
Captain Caveman
Sylvester Stallone
Gerard Butler
Samuel L. Jackson
Bipasha Basu
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Darren Jones
Andrew Pragasam
  Mick Stewart
Enoch Sneed
  Dsfgsdfg Dsgdsgsdg
  Hannah Prosser
  Butch Elliot
   

 

Last Updated: