HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
 
Newest Reviews
Eye of the Storm
Inflatable Sex Doll of the Wastelands
Where No Vultures Fly
Come True
Kagemusha
Justine
Poly Styrene: I Am a Cliché
Madchen in Uniform
Fire Will Come
Suspect
Jailbreak Pact
News of the World
Dementer
Beyond Clueless
Stylist, The
Sky is On Fire, The
Wrong Turn
In a Year with 13 Moons
Blush
Strange Affair of Uncle Harry, The
Sinners, The
Tammy and the T-Rex
Archenemy
Zappa
Mindwarp
State Secret
Mogul Mowgli
Owners, The
Twentieth Century, The
Story of Gilbert and Sullivan, The
What Lies Below
Greenland
Broil
Dead Pigs
Willy's Wonderland
It's in the Air
School's Out Forever
Breeder
Stump the Guesser
Sator
   
 
Newest Articles
Chew Him Up and Spit Him Out: Romeo is Bleeding on Blu-ray
British Body Snatchers: They Came from Beyond Space on Blu-ray
Bzzzt: Pulse on Blu-ray
The Tombs Will Be Their Cities: Demons and Demons 2 on Arrow
Somebody Killed Her Husband: Charade on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Maroc 7 and Invasion
Network Double Bills: The Best of Benny Hill and The Likely Lads
Network Double Bills: Some Girls Do and Deadlier Than the Male
Absolutely Bananas: Link on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Hawk the Slayer and The Medusa Touch
The Price of Plague: The Masque of the Red Death on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Seance on a Wet Afternoon and Ring of Spies
Chaney Chillers: Inner Sanctum Mysteries - The Complete Film Series on Blu-ray
Adelphi Extras: Stars in Your Eyes on Blu-ray
Toons for the Heads: Fantastic Planet and Adult Animation
Nature Girl: The New World on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Perfect Friday and Robbery
Network Double Bills: The House in Nightmare Park and The Man Who Haunted Himself
Newley Minted: The Strange World of Gurney Slade on Blu-ray
Bad Love: The Night Porter on Blu-ray
Brevity is the Soul of Weird: Short Sharp Shocks on Blu-ray
Get Your Ass to Mars: Total Recall on Blu-ray
Call the Professionals: Le Cercle Rouge on Blu-ray
When There's No More Room in Hell: Dawn of the Dead on Blu-ray
The Butterfly Effect: Mothra on Blu-ray
   
 
  7 Golden Women Against Two 07 Slapdash spy caper
Year: 1966
Director: Vincent Cascino
Stars: Mickey Hargitay, Maria Vincent, Luciana Paoli, Vincenzo Cascino, Patricia Mendez, Paola Mariani, Maruska Rossetti, Rossella Bergamonti, Corinne Fontaine, John Loodmere, Geoffrey Copleston, Eric Damain, John Benedy, Nestore Cavaricci, Guido Marinelli
Genre: Comedy, Action, Thriller, Trash, WeirdoBuy from Amazon
Rating:  2 (from 1 vote)
Review: Muscular American man of mystery Mark Davis (Mickey Hargitay) saves Armenean art dealer Barbikian (Vincenzo Cascino, also this film's writer, producer, editor and director) from a group of thugs working for French femme fatale Marie Dupont (Maria Vincent), who also attracts his attention. Somehow Mark discerns both parties are after a stolen painting by the famous Spanish artist Goya on the back of which is supposedly scrawled a treasure map leading to the lost gold of Adolf Hitler! Forming an uneasy alliance, Mark, Marie and Barbikian along with his English girlfriend Miranda (Luciana Paoli, hilariously dubbed with a thick Brummie accent!) set out to find the Fuhrer's fortune, unaware that six women from around the world who previously owned the painting now share the same goal.

If the above synopsis made this film sound at all exciting, one must sincerely apologise because 7 Golden Women Against Two 07 is to the Euro-spy genre what Plan 9 From Outer Space (1958) is to the science fiction film. In other words, it is a work of staggering ineptitude on just about every level, only lacking the cheesy charm of Edward D. Wood Jr. One of only two film outings (thank god!) from quintuple threat Vincenzo Cascino, the plot is near incomprehensible. Events border on the surreal as the Italian auteur exhibits no grasp of continuity, character development or even the basic mechanics of storytelling, seemingly rewriting the plot as it goes along. Opening at breakneck speed the film provides scant information as to just who its protagonists are or what their connection is to the Goya painting which seems to have crossed continents between several, exclusively female, hands.

None of the titular seven, frankly not all that glamorous women add anything to the story. With the exception of three sequences where the girls strip off for either an epic catfight or to distract some villains, they do little besides simper and shriek. Weirdly, none of the women so much as notice square-jawed ostensible hero Mark Davis and flirt instead with Barbikian's seriously ugly henchmen ("Oh, you Italian men are so amazing, so gallant, so sentimental!"). Which is not something that would happen to Matt Helm or Derek Flint. Hungarian-born weightlifter Mickey Hargitay, husband of Jayne Mansfield and father of Law & Order star Mariska Hargitay, had one seriously strange movie career, but fans would be better off checking out his unhinged turn in garish gothic Bloody Pit of Horror (1966) or as Count Dracula in the amazing The Reincarnation of Isabel (1973). Hargitay's two-fisted mercenary hero vaguely recalls Mickey Spillane's thuggish Mike Hammer as depicted in Robert Aldrich's seminal noir Kiss Me Deadly (1955), especially the manner in which he appears to great enjoyment from belting the shit out of people, at one point convulsing with laughter as he kicks Barbikian's ass. However, Cascino's inept editing renders the fight sequences downright laughable.

Amidst endless scenes with characters bickering at the top of their lungs and chase sequences set to Keystone Cops style music, Hargitay comes off like Laurence Olivier compared to his amateurish co-stars. As shrill bimbo Marie Dupont, Maria Vincent strains so hard at seeming coquettish and sultry she seems more like a drag queen parody of a femme fatale. Meanwhile, Cascino was seemingly on a mission to upstage his cast with a bug-eyed performance that grates on the nerves. This would-be comic spy caper is a real endurance test that does not reach a conclusion so much as come to an abrupt stop. It is incompetent on every level with only the very faintest appeal as kitsch. Incidentally, the theme song features lyrics penned by Mickey Hargitay. Needless to say, it's rubbish.

Click here for the trailer

Reviewer: Andrew Pragasam

 

This review has been viewed 3780 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star probably has psychic powers?
Laurence Fishburne
Nicolas Cage
Anya Taylor-Joy
Patrick Stewart
Sissy Spacek
Michelle Yeoh
Aubrey Plaza
Tom Cruise
Beatrice Dalle
Michael Ironside
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
  Chris Garbutt
  Sdfadf Rtfgsdf
Darren Jones
Andrew Pragasam
Stately Wayne Manor
Enoch Sneed
  Geraint Morgan
   

 

Last Updated: