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  Rolls-Royce Baby Back seat bump 'n' grind
Year: 1975
Director: Erwin C. Dietrich
Stars: Lina Romay, Eric Falk, Ursula Maria Schaefer, Roman Huber, Alexander Blazzoni, Marcel Imbach, Kurt Meinicke, Jonas Ohlin
Genre: Sex, TrashBuy from Amazon
Rating:  2 (from 1 vote)
Review: Meet international sex film star Lisa Romay (Lina Romay), whom we first glimpse shaving her private parts in extreme close-up. As she explains in her breathless voice over: “My body will be smooth and desirable like a nymphet. Men, women, they will all lust after my virgin territory.” When Lisa isn’t posing naked for saucy photographs or romping with randy photographers, she lounges naked (as always) around her luxurious mansion, masturbating endlessly. She may have a glittering career, adoring fans and more money than clothes (apparently) but an insatiable appetite leaves her wanting more. What’s a poor, sex-starved nymphomaniac to do? Inspiration strikes after studly Eric (Eric Falk), whom we first glimpse practicing karate stark bollock naked inviting viewers to marvel at his muscles and laugh at his tiny genitals, bends Lisa over a leather chair for some well-received oral sex. Accompanied by slurpy sound effects in case anyone is unsure what they’re doing. Eric obligingly agrees to chauffeur Lisa around the estate in her vintage Rolls-Royce, so she can pick up hippie hitchhikers and bonk their brains out in the back seat. Good times.

The late Lina Romay - a.k.a. Rosa Maria Almirall Martinez, who took her stage name from the actress-singer with Xavier Cugat’s band, was a natural born exhibitionist who found her perfect partner in perennial voyeur Jess Franco. They made well over a hundred films together, mostly porn, porno-horror and sex comedies, though Rolls-Royce Baby was a rare non-Franco outing for Lina. This time the lens leering at her lovely lady parts belonged to Erwin C. Dietrich, the Swiss sultan of sleaze who actually produced several Franco/Romay movies, from the grim Jack the Ripper (1976) to the appalling Sadomania (1980). A failed actor turned mega-successful producer-distributor and occasional writer-director, Dietrich carved himself a mini-empire out of low-budget thrillers, horror and porno movies then ventured into the mainstream with a string of action-adventure films with Hollywood stars, e.g. The Sea Wolves (1980) and Codename: Wildgeese (1986).

A near-plotless porno, Rolls-Royce Baby is an ode to Lina’s undoubted allure, but whilst the star is cute and charismatic, the film finds nothing for her to do besides writhing sensually in bed, pleasuring herself in various positions or copulating with co-stars of both sexes. If examining Lina in gynaecological detail is your idea of entertainment then this is the film for you. Anyone who believes pornography can aspire to more than simply recording a string of dull, repetitive sexual encounters should look elsewhere. Dietrich makes a shallow attempt at exploring the philosophy of the exhibitionist as our heroine admits: “I love being held in the eye of the camera. It’s like a lover who shares me with every man in the world.” Lina’s intriguing, alternately ravenous and melancholy performance hints at depths the film simply doesn’t have. A flashback wherein two truckers take turns servicing a young hitchhiking Lisa before dumping her naked on the road, is the closest the film comes to offering any psychological undertones, though we come away uncertain whether nymphomania is an affliction or a lifestyle choice.

None of the hitchhikers seem especially surprised to see a beautiful naked woman trading free love from the back of a Rolls-Royce. Maybe they think it’s best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Quite what Eric gets out of this odd arrangement is anyone’s guess. He spends most of the film sitting glumly outside whilst Lisa gets it on with various hippies, a teenage boy then eventually a woman who allows Eric to join them for a threesome. Afterwards, Lisa and Eric hit the road looking for more eager sex partners. Then the film ends and you can get on with your life.

Reviewer: Andrew Pragasam

 

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