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Fastest Guitar Alive, The
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| Year: |
1967
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Director: |
Michael D. Moore
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| Stars: |
Roy Orbison, Sammy Jackson, Maggie Pierce, Joan Freeman, Lyle Bettger, John Doucette, Patricia Donahue, Ben Cooper, Ben Lessy, Douglas Kennedy, Len Henry, Iron Eyes Cody, Sam the Sham, Wilda Taylor, Victoria Carroll, Maria Korda, Poupée Gamin
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| Genre: |
Western, Musical, Comedy |
| Rating: |
  4 (from 2 votes) |
| Review: |
Friends Johnny (Roy Orbison) and Steve (Sammy Jackson) run a travelling show, taking their dancing girls around the states while the Civil War rages and trying to hawk some medicine at the same time. However, what their customers do not know is that the duo are actually Confederate spies, and they're on a mission to liberate a stash of gold from Union funds to go towards keeping the near-bankrupt South capable of fighting. As they near their destination, a town where the bank is their target, they are attacked by an Indian tribe, but Johnny's guitar gun sees them off...
Wait - a guitar gun? Wielded by Roy Orbison? Why, this just might be one of the greatest movies ever made! Except for one thing, that is: Roy couldn't carry a film. Originally The Fastest Guitar Alive was intended to be an Elvis Presley vehicle, but when he turned it down the producers (step forward our old friend Sam Katzman) offered the role to Orbison, and somewhat foolishly he accepted it. Foolishly because as a singer, he was no actor, and while he had one of the finest voices in popular music history, give him a few lines to say and he was as wooden as that guitar. Not the best recipe for Hollywood success, then.
In truth, he's about as good as you might have seen on a variety show sketch, where they get some musical turn on to share a spot of banter with the comedians, but that does not translate into ninety minutes of quality moviemaking, as this proved. Even the rifle in his instrument is something of a letdown, because to keep this as family friendly as possible, Roy cannot be seen to shoot anyone, so for example in that opening onslaught by the Indians all he does is shoot the Chief's spear in half; elsewhere he'll shoot a hat off here and there, but in no way could he be seen as a gunslinging troubadour.
This could well have been the reason that Jackson was hired, to take care of the more heroic business, as it's clear that his Steve character is the brains of the outfit. If you were hoping for at least a big screen version of The Wild Wild West, what with those spies in the Western setting, then again you're let down because this is far too straightforward for its own good, with very little outright wacky about it once you get used to the idea that you're seeing Orbison acting, and without his trademark dark glasses either. In his favour, the star does come across like a nice man, but you'd find it hard to believe he'd be entrusted with bank robbery in the name of the Civil War, no matter what side he was on.
This is a musical as well, so there are the compensations of hearing Orbison sing once in a while, and there may not be any solid gold classics here, but the man knew his way around a tune so these interludes are pleasant enough. There are hints that this was intended as a comedy, as there are some tries at wit in the script, but nothing to actually set you laughing as Johnny gets into girlfriend troubles with Sue (Joan Freeman), and the Indians are, to put it mildly, not depicted with much respect, being a buffoonish lot who nevertheless save the day in the climax. The main trouble is that it looks so artificial, so you're never convinced by any of it and not only because of Roy's lack of thespian prowess, as the whole thing has the overbright look of a sixties television show, with the tension it has a go at working up never arriving. This one's strictly for fans of novelties.
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| Reviewer: |
Graeme Clark
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