HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
 
Newest Reviews
Iceman
Blue Sky
Tokyo Dragon Chef
Pittsburgh
12 Hour Shift
Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud, The
Spoilers, The
Killer Therapy
Man Upstairs, The
Bloodhound, The
New Mutants, The
Tesla
Flame of New Orleans, The
Ham on Rye
Imperial Blue
Tenet
August 32nd on Earth
Don is Dead, The
Seven Sinners
Body of Water
Away
Soul
About Endlessness
Let It Snow
Ava
Deliver Us from Evil
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon
Midnight Sky, The
Lego Star Wars Holiday Special, The
Mon Oncle Antoine
Blast of Silence
Blackout, The
Stars in Your Eyes
Alone
Climate of the Hunter
Farewell Amor
Let's Scare Julie
Okko's Inn
Shaolin vs. Wu Tang
Fatman
   
 
Newest Articles
The Price of Plague: The Masque of the Red Death on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Seance on a Wet Afternoon and Ring of Spies
Chaney Chillers: Inner Sanctum Mysteries - The Complete Film Series on Blu-ray
Adelphi Extras: Stars in Your Eyes on Blu-ray
Toons for the Heads: Fantastic Planet and Adult Animation
Nature Girl: The New World on Blu-ray
Network Double Bills: Perfect Friday and Robbery
Network Double Bills: The House in Nightmare Park and The Man Who Haunted Himself
Newley Minted: The Strange World of Gurney Slade on Blu-ray
Bad Love: The Night Porter on Blu-ray
Brevity is the Soul of Weird: Short Sharp Shocks on Blu-ray
Get Your Ass to Mars: Total Recall on Blu-ray
Call the Professionals: Le Cercle Rouge on Blu-ray
When There's No More Room in Hell: Dawn of the Dead on Blu-ray
The Butterfly Effect: Mothra on Blu-ray
Living Room Theatre: Play for Today Volume 1 on Blu-ray
Didn't He Do Well: The Bruce Forsyth Show on DVD
Blood Wedding: The Bride with White Hair on Blu-ray
The Inhuman Element: The Ladykillers on 4K UHD
As You Like It, Baby: Breathless on Blu-ray
Stargazing: Light Entertainment Rarities on DVD
Down to the Welles: Orson Welles Great Mysteries Volume 2 on DVD
Herding Cats: Sleepwalkers on Blu-ray
Confessions of a Porn Star: Adult Material on DVD
They're Still Not Sure It is a Baby: Eraserhead on Blu-ray
   
 
  Road House It's a dirty job, but somebody's got to do it.
Year: 1989
Director: Rowdy Herrington
Stars: Patrick Swayze, Kelly Lynch, Sam Elliot, Ben Gazzara, Marshall R. Teague, Julie Michaels, Red West, Sunshine Parker, Jeff Healey, Kevin Tighe, John Doe, Kathleen Wilhoite, Keith David
Genre: Action, TrashBuy from Amazon
Rating:  5 (from 3 votes)
Review: Road House, it has to be said, is a very bad film. That doesn't stop me watching it repeatedly, however, since it's also one of the most unintentionally hilarious movies ever made, right up there with Showgirls, although this turkey makes Showgirls seem positively knowing by comparison.

What's wrong with it? So much, and some of the problems run right to the core. And at that core is Patrick Swayze grinning and working out whilst trying to read an upside-down copy of Sun Tzu's "Art of War".

Let's examine the script, which is appalling. Every Swayze retort or one-liner is brainless, and yet people react as if he's some kind of invincible cross between the Hulk and Tennyson. As an example, Swayze is giving a speech whereby he asks his charges to "Just be nice" to the punters in all cases, no matter how vile they are. One of the bouncers asks "What if someone calls my mother a whore?" to which Swayze quips "Is she?". Well, that certainly put him in his place, and the poor thug is left speechless.

Along with his incredible wit, Swayze (make no mistake, he's not playing a character here) is also incredibly muscular. No opportunity to show off his 'guns' goes by without him whipping off his shirt, flexing, and looking philosophical, preferably whilst stitching up a knife wound one handed. One of the funniest scenes of all involves a young barmaid coming to visit Swayze out at his ludicrously good farm-loft apartment, which is also, coincidentally, just the other side of the river from the villain's hideout. She is fortunate enough to catch sight of Swayze's wet, muscular backside as he climbs out of the tub. We are treated to a close-up of her reaction, and one would think she'd simultaneously had an orgasm and won the lottery.

More ridiculous than any of Swayze's posturing is the plot. How Ben Gazzara, the local super-villain, has managed to grow rich off this one-horse town is a mystery. He's almost certainly the number one employer so long as you're looking to move into thuggery, so vast is his army of morons.

Later in the film, the hairy-lipped Sam Elliot enters as his typical slow-talking cowboy/wise-man stereotype. It's here that Swayze's ego actually takes a back seat and we witness him in awe of one of his peers. For some reason, Elliot is the real King of the Coolers, although the question of why a skinny old man should be better than Swayze is never answered. Frankly, who cares. Elliot still reminds me of Jerry Mouse's guitar-playing, whisker-grabbing Uncle.

But the absolute high point of this film comes right at the end. As if you haven't been entertained enough, check out the speedo wearing Swayze's full-length flying dive into the river to swim with his new girlfriend. It has to be seen to be believed, and the young lady herself seems utterly perplexed at her situation - in that moment she realises she's dating not a man, but a two year old in a wrestler's body with a salami for a brain.

This film is a testament to the truly mind-boggling ego of it's star, and the lack of talent of the writer and director. The writer has also written for Bronson and Seagal, and the director has managed only a couple more movies after this monstrosity.

And his name is Rowdy.
Reviewer: Ted Forsyth

 

This review has been viewed 4106 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star probably has psychic powers?
Laurence Fishburne
Nicolas Cage
Anya Taylor-Joy
Patrick Stewart
Sissy Spacek
Michelle Yeoh
Aubrey Plaza
Tom Cruise
Beatrice Dalle
Michael Ironside
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Graeme Clark
Darren Jones
Andrew Pragasam
Stately Wayne Manor
Enoch Sneed
  Geraint Morgan
Paul Smith
  Lee Fiveash
   

 

Last Updated: