HOME |  CULT MOVIES | COMPETITIONS | ADVERTISE |  CONTACT US |  ABOUT US
 
 
Newest Reviews
Lu Over the Wall
She's Funny That Way
Vox Lux
Aftermath, The
Five Fingers for Marseilles
Jupiter's Moon
Favourite, The
Mysteries of the Gods
Coming Home
De Sade
Patti Cake$
Hellbound
Final Destination 2
Romance
Bros: After the Screaming Stops
Cockleshell Heroes, The
Mule, The
Sunday in the Country
Nutcracker Fantasy
Spellcaster
Hipsters
Executive Action
Captain Marvel
Zombie Girl
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Rhinoceros
Monkey King 3, The
Adventurers, The
Stripped to Kill
Daughter of Dr. Jekyll
Aladdin's Magic Lamp
Christopher Robin
Hole in the Ground, The
Daniel
Blue Christmas
Death Trip
She's Missing
Return of the Soldier
Shaft
Summer Lovers
   
 
Newest Articles
The Hole in the Ground: Director Lee Cronin Interview
She's Missing: Director Alexandra McGuinness Interview
Woo's the Boss: Last Hurrah for Chivalry & Hand of Death on Blu-ray
Get Ahead in Showbiz: Expresso Bongo and It's All Happening
Outer Space and Outta Sight: Gonks Go Beat on Blu-ray
Tucked: The Derren Nesbitt Interview
Locomotion Pictures: The Best of British Transport Films on Blu-ray
Roman Scandals: Extreme Visions from Ancient Rome
Spider-Wrong and Spider-Right: The Dragon's Challenge and Into the Spider-Verse
Monster Dog: Cujo on Blu-ray
For Christ's Sake: Jesus Christ Superstar and The Last Temptation of Christ
Not In Front of the Children: Inappropriate Kids Movies
Deeper into Ozploitation: Next of Kin and Fair Game
Between the Wars: Babylon Berlin Series 1&2 on DVD
Hard Luck Story: Detour on Blu-ray
   
 
  Dead Cert Bleeding geezersBuy this film here.
Year: 2010
Director: Steven Lawson
Stars: Craig Fairbrass, Billy Murray, Dexter Fletcher, Lisa McAllister, Steven Berkoff, Perry Benson, Danny Midwinter, Roland Manookian, Victoria Broom, Janet Montgomery, Dave Legeno, Jason Flemyng, Andrew Tiernan, Lucinda Rhodes-Flaherty, Ian Virgo, Joe Egan
Genre: Horror, Action, Thriller
Rating:  5 (from 1 vote)
Review: Fight promoter Freddy ‘Dead Cert’ Frankham (Craig Fairbrass) organizes underground tournaments but with his wife Jen (Lisa McAllister) anxious to get pregnant, he branches into a seemingly safer venture by opening a lap dancing club called ‘Paradise’ aided by his criminal brother-in-law Eddie Christian (Dexter Fletcher). Amidst loud techno and sexily gyrating strippers, few notice a serial killer is prowling their district. Meanwhile, Eddie wants to get in on a new street drug called ‘Bliss’ being offered by Romanian crime boss Dante Livenko (Billy Murray), who has designs on Freddy’s club. Livenko offers £2 million if Freddy’s prize fighter/younger brother-in-law Danny Christian (Danny Midwinter) can beat his hulking champion in the ring, or else hand over the club. Hitherto unbeaten Danny is beaten to a pulp then bitten in the neck. That’s right, Livenko and company are vampires! Once they’ve drenched the club in hellish red lighting, they promptly vampirize all the strippers gaining the perfect means to lure an unending food supply.

Co-writer/director Steven Lawson evidently reckons British gangster flicks and vampire movies are the cinematic equivalent of peanut butter and chocolate: two great tastes that taste great together. One thing the worst examples of both genres share in common is an over-reliance on cocky posturing and strained attempts at cool. Despite suffering from the usual blokey banter and tedious profanity, Dead Cert is not a dead loss. Lawson clearly knows how to handle a camera even though confused editing renders some plot points incoherent. A solid cast (half of whom are listed as co-producers, making this a likeably collaborative effort) inhabit their stock characters capably enough, with cameos from Brit flick mainstays Jason Flemyng and Danny Dyer alongside Steven Berkoff as a Van Helsing type vampire hunter. Yet in spite of their efforts the film drags interminably through pub chatter and half-hearted subplots to get to the bloody point.

Offering another sentimentalised vision of gangland geezers, the story possibly serves as an allegorical commentary on real life East Europeans supplanting ‘lovable’ cockney criminals amidst the underworld. “There ain’t no honour in London anymore”, observes Eddie. “It’s all business.” Freddy takes this idea one step further when he blames the failure of an early plan to douse the vamps with holy water on “fucking Polish plumbers.”

Structurally the film borrows from From Dusk Till Dawn (1996), springing its vampires as a shock twist while the second half finds Freddy, Chin (Roland Manookian), Magoo (Perry Benson) and plucky stripper Giselle (Janet Montgomery - quite striking throughout her handful of scenes) holed up the club’s basement before their eventual standoff. More interestingly, the film lifts an idea from the late Eighties Doctor Who episode “The Curse of Fenric” in that it is not religious iconography but belief itself that holds vampires at bay. Sadly, the idea goes undeveloped and like the sequel-baiting final scene doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

Reviewer: Andrew Pragasam

 

This review has been viewed 2269 time(s).

As a member you could Rate this film

 
Review Comments (0)


Untitled 1

Login
  Username:
 
  Password:
 
   
 
Forgotten your details? Enter email address in Username box and click Reminder. Your details will be emailed to you.
   

Latest Poll
Which star do you think makes the best coffee?
Emma Stone
Anna Kendrick
Michelle Rodriguez
Sir Patrick Stewart
   
 
   

Recent Visitors
Andrew Pragasam
Graeme Clark
Paul Shrimpton
  Desbris M
  Rachel Franke
Enoch Sneed
  Derrick Smith
Darren Jones
   

 

Last Updated: