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  For Your Height Only Size Matters Not
Year: 1979
Director: Eddie Nicart
Stars: Weng Weng, Carmi Martin, Tony Ferrer, Mike Cohen, Ruben Ramos, Beth Sandoval
Genre: Action, Trash, Weirdo, AdventureBuy from Amazon
Rating:  6 (from 2 votes)
Review: Professor Van Kholer is visiting the Philippines but upon arrival is kidnapped by the henchmen of the evil Mr Giant. The crimelord intends to use Kholer's scientific breakthrough, The N Bomb, in his plans for world domination. Only one man can save civilisation, and that man is midget superspy Agent 00.

Stop me if you've heard this before because For Your Height Only is the oft-told story of a three-foot high suave secret agent from Manila who is an expert in both armed and unarmed combat, a legend on the dance floor and a seducer of women. In other words it's a cheap, trashy and totally ludicrous parody of the 007 films and follows the usual Bond formula with our pocket-sized protagonist sent on his mission armed with an array of gadgets (including x-ray specs, jetpack and remote control steel brimmed hat), romancing a bevy of beauties and saving the world as only he can.

The fight scenes are hilariously entertaining, with diminutive actor Weng Weng jumping around like Yoda and, when not armed with gun or sword, repeatedly kicking/punching his enemies in the balls. Little Weng risks life and limb, launching himself off bridges and buildings with seemingly scant regard for his own safety, all in the name of entertainment. Often it looks like he's been thrown into shot from off camera, which only adds to the fun, as does the scene in which he uses an umbrella as a parachute. Whether engaged in such high risk feats or romancing undercover agent Urma he wears a John Travolta style white suit, and even gets a chance to strut his funky stuff in the local discotheque.

The whole thing is as mad as it sounds and the dubbing, whether intentional or otherwise, adds to the humour. Weng has been given a squeaky impish voice, all the henchmen sound like gangsters from films of the '30s and the dialogue is equally priceless. Just to ram home the point as to how mean the bad guys really are one of their number declares that "the forces of good are our sworn enemy. They must be exterminated, and I mean lethally!" They are also so enraged by Agent 00’s meddling that they "declare war on that little stinker!" While Urma appears to have fallen for his charms when she tells him, "you’re such a little guy…very petite, like a potato", another female admirer enquires as to whether he is "a sexual animal" before informing him that "sex is like tequila. One sip and you’re a goner!"

In Weng Weng the world of cult movies has at last found it's definitive action hero and For Your Height Only is a unique cinematic experience that has to be seen to be believed right up to its action packed finale in which, like all the best spy movies, the good guys storm the villain's secret base and the hero has a final showdown with his arch foe. If you think watching a midget beat people up is funny - and it is – then this whacky Bond spoof is definitely worth seeking out.
Reviewer: Jason Cook

 

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